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Thursday, August 27, 2009

A Noble Goal—Twelve to Fifteen Weeks

Well, now I get a bit personal. Yesterday was my birthday. Today begins a new year in my life. And to start that year, I've set some goals. HUGE goals. That is, huge goals to become not-so-huge.

See that picture of me over on the right? It's not accurate. Well, it's not exactly a lie. Obviously that's how I looked when the picture was taken a couple years ago. But stress and over-eating have taken their toll on me since the release "Passage to Zarahemla." So today I start a diet.

Now, the first thing that always happens the minute someone admits they want to lose weight or start a diet is that everyone feels the uncontrollable urge to offer advice. That advice is always contrary, critical, or at the very least supplemental to whatever means or method the "dieter" has selected to pursue. Everyone wants to mention some new system or technology that I ought to try instead. Please don't do that here. I'll be sorely tempted to delete any comments that try to do that. (Although in all likelihood I still won't.) Just please try to refrain oneself if the comment is offering advice that will steer me on a different path from the one I have selected.

All I know is this: I need to lose...a lot. I don't know if I want to confess the amount. Okay, why not?! I think I need to lose somewhere around 60 lbs. That's a lot of lard. I recall many years ago (early 90s?) that this was the precise amount that Oprah lost in her initial publiczied weight loss campaign on television. After she lost the weight, they brought out a wheel barrow and a plastic sack filled with 60 pounds of lard. It was big. She couldn't even lift it. Well, that's where I've gotten myself. So now I have to pay the price to shed it. I'm not sure if I want to document my success (or lack thereof) on this blog. Maybe I ought to create another blog. I'll call it "Heimer-Blob" instead of "Heimer-Blog." That way I can leave Frost Cave open to more LDS theological, artistic, philosophical stuff.

If you wanna know, the method I've chosen is the same method that was very successful for me in the 90s. It's call Optifast. And it's also the method Oprah originally used to lose her weight (and subsequently gain it back). And in case some soul wants to lecture me about the drawbacks of this diet, please, as I say, REFRAIN. I know the drawbacks. I know all about setpoint. I know all about how hard it is, after losing the weight, to KEEP THAT WEIGHT OFF. That's because we, as weak human beings, go back to all of our old habits. Setpoint also undoubtedly plays a role. So my object is truly to incorporate a life-style change when I'm done. (Yeah, easier said...I know.) But that's what I have to believe that I can do. Until then, I just want to SHED, SHED, SHED. And Optifast is a wonderful, speedy way to do that--especially for a man. For me it'll take about 14 or 15 weeks.

So what is Optifast? Well, it's basically protein drinks and bars and the like. But it's very well balanced with trace minereals and electrolytes, and the food must usually be obtained through a doctor's prescription. Or at least that's how it SHOULD be, but I see merchants hocking the stuff on Ebay all the time.

But see, being the all or nothing guy that I am (sort of an OCD), Optifast is a plan that seems to fit my personality. It's easy. I don't have to count calories. Don't have to take seminars or classes to master the system. Don't have to attend meetings, organize supplements or order daily meals. I just do my 800 calories a day--or five packets of powder--and I'm done. I can concentrate on other things. I can write my book. And I have no other worries. Yes, there are many hazards and hardships, but I think I'll document those on another blog. I'll call it www.heimer-blob.blogspot.com. We'll just see how it works out.

Today is day 1. The toughest days are the first five, at least in my experience. If I can just get through the first five-to-seven days, my body sort of goes. "What was your problem before? This is EASY!"

The point is that I need to do it for my health. I need to do it so that I have the energy to create and write and also to improve my quality of life. My mind functions better. My body functions better. I sleep better. I like myself better. All of those things that normally inspire anyone to diet. Mostly, I just want to experience the surge in daily energy that I used to experience when I was at a healthy weight. Nothing compares to that.

So now I begin. Visit the other blog to see how I progress. If I progress. I've started and failed so many times! Maybe that's why I'm doing this as a blog. Going public is some kind of new gimmick. And maybe such a gimmick will give me the incentive to succeed.

Here I go....


  1. BWA HA HA! I love it! Heimer-Blob! As for not giving advice on weight loss, here here! You gotta do what's right for you and your body, no one knows you like you! So there! Thpppptttt!

    With that I say good luck and keep it up!

  2. I just finished Book #10 yesterday! However, it left me hangin'! I love your books. They make the BofM come to life! Thanks for writing them.