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Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Link to Free "Muckwhip" Chapters!

KINDLE! NOOK! The e-book is now available at muliple online locations. As I've already stated, a paperback edition of this novel is coming January. I just signed the contract with my distributor today, but I would presume you will find it wherever LDS-themed books are sold. And also in Costcos on the Wasatch Front! I've promised my distributor I'd do as many autographing events as they feel are necessary. The funnest place to do these is Costco, just because of the traffic. My hope is that I'll ALSO be able to offer customers the first couple chapters of the next Tennis Shoes book, just for good measure. :)

Yes, this is a very different novel from any novel I've ever written. Some might think the concept is creepy or controversial. Shucks, maybe it is. But I had so much fun creating it. And frankly, those who take it too literally or seriously will miss the entire point. The purpose was never to dwell upon "devils" or Hell or other such dreary realities. Muckwhip's world is FICTIONAL. Everything was created for the sake of symbolism and metaphors. There is nothing funny or entertaining about REAL demons. In fact, I deliberately will not use that term. I'd rather stick with "devils" and all the stereotypical images this word conjures.

SAMPLE CHAPTERS ARE NOW VISIBLE ONLINE! Go to: http://www.amazon.com/Muckwhips-Guide-Capturing-Latter-day-ebook/dp/B00ADZ04U8/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1354065419&sr=8-1&keywords=Muckwhip#reader_B00ADZ04U8

We will also soon post a link for pre-orders of the hardcopy version. Stay tuned....

Monday, November 26, 2012


Finally, this cheeky little book that I originally wrote 13 years ago is for sale (at least in a few hours, after it finishes uploading) on Amazon. For Kindle go to: http://www.amazon.com/Muckwhips-Guide-Capturing-Latter-day-ebook/dp/B00ADZ04U8/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1354051856&sr=8-1&keywords=muckwhip

Muckwhip's Guide for Capturing the Latter-day Soul will be available for Kindle, Nook, and Kobo. Nook and Kobo are still in the process of posting. This book will also be available in print (hardcopy) form, but not until after the first of the year. I hope to do an audio book version soon, but this will come out after the e-book and print versions.

I've always loved this work, but quite honestly, my publisher--13 years ago--was very skeptical. They felt the LDS audience just wasn't ready for a book where "devils" are the main characters. To say nothing of finding them funny or ironic (or moronic). However, 13 years is a loooong time, and since then such phenoms as Harry Potter, Twilight, and The Hunger Games have made (we hope) such a concept far less shocking. Keep in mind, these are fictional devils. Muckwhip's world is symbolic and metaphorical. Simply put, if you take it too seriously, you'll miss the whole point!

The truth is, this was always a delightful work--a favorite as far as my writing goes and a story for which I was always very proud. Now, after a slight retooling and tweaking to make it appropos for today's audience, I'm thrilled to finally make it available to my readers.

I've first announced this event here, on my blogspot. You are invited to be among the original readers to consume and review this novel. Please let me know what you think. And if you find any typos (doubtful, because we were just sooo careful!), let me know right away so I can fix them for all future downloads. Here's the book's backliner:


In your hands is the clandestine correspondence of Muckwhip the Unmerciful, Viceroy of Vice, whose hyper-bureaucratic department in the Lower Realms is devoted exclusively to the destruction of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Muckwhip's infernal "h-mails" to his impish underlings are principally directed against Target 120–16A–44M (AKA, young Stuart Hansen) through his most challenging phases as a teenager, missionary, and husband in his daily struggles to emulate our Savior, Jesus Christ.

Will Muckwhip's Target survive? Find out while catching an eye-popping glimpse into a world of unrestrained backstabbing and outrageous irony. In the grandiloquent tradition of Marlow, Milton, and Lewis, Muckwhip's Guide to Capturing the Latter-day Soul offers a unique perspective of the diabolical mind—providing readers with life-changing insights powerfully magnified by the enlightened backdrop of the Restored Gospel.  


Sunday, November 18, 2012

Mourning and Daylight

It's been a difficult couple weeks.

My father passed away on the day of the election. He'd been sick for quite some time, and he was a staunch conservative. I often expressed to him my confidence that Romney would pull out this election and come off victorious. He did not live long enough to know how wrong I was. He certainly knows now, I suspect.

It was close. Very close. The Church received some incredible positive exposure, but not the kind of exposure that I felt a Latter-day Saint in the presidency would have brought. Maybe the Church wasn't ready. Maybe the world wasn't ready. Too many unanswerable questions. Still, we go on--as a Church, as a people, and as Americans.

My son, Alex, received his Eagle Scout. We held his court of honor last night. As we stood and recited the "Pledge of Allegiance," I experienced strangely contradictory emotions. It felt as if those words no longer held the same meaning. In this election the majority of American appeared to knowingly (as opposed to four years ago) select a president and an administration who appear to support numerous tenets committed to dismantling the country where I grew up in. Yes, a negative fog has beset me since the election. I know I'm not alone. This one has been difficult to shake. Sure, I was disappointed years ago when Clinton was elected--twice!--but nothing so dark and foreboding overcame me then like it has now.

Absolutely we must continue to hope that divided powers between the Senate, Executive, and House branches of government will keep things in check. But at the same time, there's nothing we can do to stop the implementation of Obamacare. Nothing we can do to stop the retirement and replacement of 2, possibly 3, Supreme Court Justices (approved, in the end, by our Democratic Majority Senate). And there seems little we can do about the whole culture of "gimme free stuff!" which seems to prevail among more Americans than ever before. Oddly, I sometimes perceive this same attitude of "entitlement" in the minds of young members of our Church. And even, depressingly, I've heard such sentiments within my own family.

Remember the good ol' days? We used to chuckle about the old jokes of "Grandpa walking to and from school in three feet of snow--both ways!" The fact is, my generation DID have it easier than that of my grandparents. But my own children have had it, thus far, better than I could have even imagined in my youth. The cycles of righteousness and destruction in the Book of Mormon have flashed though my mind often over the past few weeks.

At the same time, current events and statements in the scriptures should offer us incredible comfort and hope. The Lord has always promised safety to those who follow the living Prophet and "stand in holy places." Nevertheless, I'm frustrated by the percentage of youth--outside and inside the Church--who seem so easily seduced by a world where pornography is treated as commonplace and "normal behavior," where rationalizations against the strict adherence to commandments are rampant, and where the consumption of media that promotes lasciviousness, amoral attitudes, materialism, and "ends justify the means" has become perfectly acceptable and unavoidable.

Sure, there are stellar exceptions to these pervasive corruptions. The fight continues. And fight we must. But every day I feel as if I gain a greater appreciation of the emotional turmoils that must have plagued the Prophet Mormon. He strived all of his life to help his people change their apostatizing ways. They wouldn't listen. He watched them perish. If Mormon hadn't had the enlightened labors of abridging and transcribing the Book of Mormon to keep him occupied--as well as transposing the records of Ether and Mahonri Moriancumr--I wonder if he'd have been able to maintain some semblence of sanity. Without the comforts of Heavenly Father's Spirit, and the words of Heavenly Father's prophets, it seems it might have been easy for him to sink into the depths of despair.

As for the Saints of our day, we can all reflect on marvelous announcements within the Lord's Kingdom. Specifically, I point toward recent news about changing the age of eligibility for missionaries. Apparently this has led to a 400% increase in applications to serve. My own son is part of this. Within two weeks of President Monson's announcement, 18-year old Christopher Ammon had submitted his papers. He received his call on Wednesday. We were all present as he opened and read his letter from the First Presidency. He will be serving 24 months, Spanish speaking, in Medellin, Columbia.

As for the future, and in particular the future of the United States of America...I really can't say. The backlash of Obama's first election led to the galvanizing and inspiring movement known as the Tea Party. What will happen this time? It's too early to say. But something is brewing. I feel sure of it. Still, I have no idea what it is, or whether it will be successful at making headway toward preserving the principals that I took sooo much for granted all my years growing up in the greatest nation the world has ever known. Yes, I lived a life of freedom. I never knew anything else. I still don't really know anything else. But I'm afraid it may be  part of God's plan that many of us will not get off so easy.

More than anything else, I've reflected over the last few weeks about the meaning of "hanging by a thread." Many will understand what I'm talking about. It's a reference to a certain prophecy voiced by Joseph Smith in 1842 about the Elders of the Church stepping in and saving the Constitution. Before this election I felt strongly that Romney was part of the contingent that ultimately would lead that effort. The notion, however high-fallutin, hit me particularly hard one day last summer after I heard Rush Limbaugh literally say that "The U.S. Constitution is hanging by a thread!" Mark Levin, Sean Hannity, and other conservative talking heads proclaimed much the same concept. Thus, I wondered how Romney could possibly lose. His election seemed a direct fulfillment of Joseph Smith's revelation!

Oh, how foolish I feel now. Obviously I was wrong. So many conservatives were wrong. And suddenly it seems obvious: We probably have no clue yet what it really means to be "hanging by a thread." Yes, we've experienced some discomforts--economic and otherwise. But nothing we've experienced may quite equate with what that phrase truly means. I'm concerned that soon we'll have a deeper understanding of that phrase than ever before. The only question is when, and what happens between now and then.

Still, the solution for us as individuals is the same as it has always been: Gird up your loins. If you have unresolved sins in your life, get them resolved--NOW! If you've been lax at following the prophets' admonitions about getting out of debt, gathering a year's supply of food and staples, and learning the principals of self-reliance, I fear the clock may be running out. And I fear many of our acquaintances, close friends, and even close family members, may not survive the oncoming scourge and the great sifting that is destined to take place of the wheat and the tares.

What's important is where you stand. Where I stand. Some days I feel like I'm personally standing on a pretty firm foundation. Other days my personal footing seems a bit unstable. So I have to remind myself: It's about faith. About repentance. And it's about enduring to the end. These are nothing new. They're the same principals we we've been taught all of our lives. And I hope, for many of us, they are beginning to resound in our hearts with greater amplification than ever before.

Be still, and know that He--above us--is still God.

In other news, I do have a new book coming out soon. No, it's not my long-awaited Tennis Shoes book. It's called Muckwhip's Guide to Capturing the Latter-day Soul. It's a book I originally penned 12 years ago and spruced up from time to time over the last year. The release of this volume now--after everything that's happened--seems uncannily timely. Muckwhip might even be out as an e-book as early as the end of this upcoming week. The hardcopy edition will be out early next year. I'll talk all about it very soon and post the cover. Yes, Thorns of Glory is still underway. Honestly, the last month has presented more than a few distractions. I apologize for that. Still, as I've often promised, the wait will be worth it.

Copyright @ Chris Heimerdinger 2012